Loss and Power in Love

Well, my Kindle broke and the new Kindle just came.  I cannot express how lost I was without a book! I do have a few technical manuals I am supposed to be reading but – my goodness those real books are so inconvenient.

That is a bit off topic I guess.

I was thinking today about a friend with whom I was discussing New Moon (Twilight Saga).  I am going to have to assume that you know the story,or have at least seen one of the films.  New Moon spoilers ahead! As two more “mature” women it is probably hard to recall the angst of teen love.  I do recall it as extremely painful.  I asked my friend if prior to her relationship with her husband she had had any serious relationships. She said she had serious relationships  but she had never lost herself in one as Bella seems to do after Edward leaves her. My friend (really, my friend, not me) said she had  had enough sense of self and family  she could see the relationship didn’t have a future .  I am sure she did weep at the end but knowing her I imagine she put it away, dusted her self off and went on her way.

I did lose myself and would spend months pining and weeping  and believing I was worthless without a boyfriend and especially that one particular boyfriend who would break up, get back together, date others, be committed.  So maybe I can understand the tragic, Cathy-on-the-moors-seeking-Heathcliffe, side of Bella.  I think my friend’s way was probably much better.

But why does Bella lose herself in Edward?  What triggers her becoming so wrapped up?  She seems fairly sure of herself; she knows her parents love her.  She doesn’t believe herself extraordinary in any way and seems intent on living a life of mediocrity until she meets Edward.   After Edward leaves she becomes a total zombie for several months feeling betrayed, bereft and any other alliterative descriptor that begins with “be.”  Then she enters a relationship where she is the stronger of the two parties.  Jacob is the one wanting her; she has the power. Once again, by turning into a wolf Jacob becomes more extraordinary than her.

[I have experienced this in paranormal romances more than other stories.  The heroine is dead set against the guy and the next moment she whipping off her panties (not Bella). I suppose it is a device for getting from the necessary tension and antipathy  to that first kiss or the

The later premise is that Bella is mature enough to get married is somewhat dashed by her behavior until she and Edward get back together. Noone can mature that quickly.

 Bella spent a lot of time taking care of her mom and even moves to Forks so her mom will be happy.  She stays out of Charlie’s life to a  degree too.  Sh seems to hold herself back from the people who love or like her; except Edward with whom she has a tortured relationship with scant physical contact outside of cuddling on her bed most nights ( a compromise between her era and his).  So she totally immerses herself in Edward, eats, breathes and sleeps him, and when he leaves her pole has gone and she  either sits and ponders or sleeps and screams. She has lost herself by giving her teenage self over to him; her parents don’t seem to have any idea as to what they could do or have done to make her stronger; her mom because in this relationship she is the child and Charlie because he is emotionally stuck.  They don’t even talk about boys and he doesn’t seem to know about her thing with Edward.

What are your thoughts? Do girls who are not dating vampires still have this experience?